My Grief
Bruised by so many lies
You found yourself without trust.
So much so that even the meaning of truth had been lost.
Been told so many "truths" that they began to seem like lies,
And so many lies that they became the truth.
You were hurt but fine.
Your laughter a wallow in pain.
Your smile.
Your soft-spoken personality.
A perfect facade to conceal the obvious truth -
That you were broken.
A beaten and battered person you were
Enduring hardships upon hardship
Throught it all a smile you wore always
As if it were plastered on
And if it were to falter for a moment
The wall you had made,
The dam holding back the pain would be broken,
And there for all to see
But you couldn't have that!
You couldn't share it with me!
You downplayed everything!
A storm you would call a light drizzle!
A tornado to you was all but a dust bunny!
The anguish you felt in your every waking moment,
I can imagine not even a footnote of it
Your life, a war zone.
Your days, battle prone.
Your mind, the battle field.
Your efforts, all without yield.
You've diligently died day after day.
So my heart bleeds as I write.
The pen… my medium I use to pour out my soul
For if not how can I weather the storm that is your passing.
Your life was a light,
But the darkness you harbored for us.
For me.
Oh why?
Years spent
Laughs shared
And as I think back you never once shed a tear.
Now my eyes are full of them.
Tears you should have poured out you bottled up inside
Ultimately, what you faced,
No one man should,
But you did.
Till you didn't.
Till you couldn't anymore!
God's gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers, and you were as tough as they come,
But even God rested.
Why couldn't you?
Silent sorrows you suffered,
Now you suffer no more.
As you have overly involved yourself in the one thing that extradited you from the pain.
A temporary release,
Led to a permanent escape from everything
Only in your death
Do I see you for you.
Only when you are no longer here do I know who you are.
This pain I feel now is my punishment.
The obscure signs clear as day.
The silent cries for help echoe now in my head.
I have been tried and found guilty
Guilty of my negligence and this I have to atone for the rest of my life.
